To love and to be loved

I was surprised when I picked up the phone, it was her. She never calls me, we chat sometimes, but she never calls. She asked me where I was and I said that I was getting off after work. Her voice was broken, I was about to ask her if everything was alright, when she asked me to wait, she was in the neighborhood and that she would like to meet me. I suddenly started becoming nervous, I don't know why, maybe because it had been a long time since we met.

When I stepped outside the gates, she was standing there.. as beautiful as always. I smiled when she looked at me and was about to make a snide comment regarding her sudden appearance , when out of nowhere, she stepped forward and hugged me. My heart was beating like the drums on our temple festival. She felt shaken, and her eyes were visibly swollen. I asked her what the problem was, she just smiled and shook her head. I saw that the smile was fake, a made up mask she wore for me, but her eyes deceived her.

"Let's go to my house. Have you eaten anything?"

She nodded.
I looked at her with worry and then started walking. She followed me silently, her eyes were fixated on the pavement. I could see that she was battling with emotions inside her, she was embarrassed for hugging me, she was sorry, she was happy, she was sad.
I was also undergoing the same thing. I was ecstatic that she had come to see me, I was worried that something had happened, but I was also bitter that after all the heartbreak, I was still happy to see her.

It was already late when we reached my house but by then my hunger had died in her presence. I bought her a cup of coffee and sat silently beside her.

"I know that you are having some problem, else you wouldn't have come to see me. I won't ask you if you don't want to tell. Just know that you can always tell me anything."

She looked at me and inside her eyes I saw something... affection maybe?

She started crying and I put my arms around her to console her. Then she hugged me and her tears started streaming down my shirt. It felt strange, having her head so close to my heart. It felt like her tears were flowing through me. Washing my soul with hers. I just held her tightly and didn't say anything, I had never been good at consoling people in their bad times.

After she was done, I put her head down and whispered "Go to sleep, I'll just be in the other room".
When I had switched off the light and was at the door, she called my name. Hearing it in her voice felt like listening to the rain. I stopped and looked behind.

"That day, you said that you loved me. I'm sorry, I was heartless." her voice had somewhat cleared up.

"It's okay. Don't worry about that" I said.  

"Do you still love me?" She asked hesitantly.

Her voice was weighed by hope. If I had heard these words, a year ago, I would have jumped up and said yes.

"Go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning." I replied.

Once bitten, twice shy.

I walked over to the other room and stood near the window, looking outside at the moon. I didn't know what had happened for this sudden change to happen inside her. I didn't know, if she even meant what she had said just now or if her judgment was clouded by emotion.

Did she love me, like I loved her? Through bitterness and sorrow. Unconditionally. Without asking anything in return.

I had read somewhere "To love and to be loved, is to feel the sun on both sides"
One day I hoped to understand the meaning of these words.